Hello 2020

Yes, I am 26 days late. I don’t care. With everything that has happened in the world I am still stunned trying to figure out what to type here. I don’t want to do a “goals” posts cause I never manage to complete the goals. I have never been a goal oriented person. When I do manage to complete them I always forget to post about them. So no more I am tired of feeling like I have disappointed people.

I am eagerly awaiting the end of the impeachment trial. My feelings on the current president is that I can not wait till he is gone. He has not done a good thing to this country. I am tired of seeing his “cult” damage & wreck this county. I am not Democrat or Republican or Independent or any political party. I have & will always vote for the person I believe will do the best for the job. No, I did not vote for Trump & I will not vote for him in 2020 (if he remains in office). I didn’t like Hillary Clinton very much but I felt she would have done a better job then Trump.

As far as my crafting goes most of my time is spent teaching two classes of crochet at my local library. (Do not get me started on how much I love having a library in my small town again.) I have a total of eight (8) students of varying knowledge of crochet. From complete beginner to expert. They all seem to enjoy coming & surprising I am enjoying it. My anxiety gets me to think I don’t want to do it but I am usually just fine once I get there.

Otherwise, I have a desire to make 12 pairs (one per month) of socks this year, a wrap (late Christmas present for B), Nuvem (for Grace), a lace shawl (to sell), and my cardigan still on the needles. For the crochet classes I am making a blanket in one class & blocks in the other. I am trying to make it to where I get all the “homework” done either in class or at the office & devote my evenings & nights to my knitting.

I am thinking about changing this site to just plain php & html with no blog. basically having it like a gallery situation. But then I do have http://handmadebyhev.com for most of my crafting work even though it is supposed to be my commission & shop for my items. I just can not seem to craft fast enough to sell anything & when I do have things to sell they wind up selling before I can get them online, lol. So I don’t know what to do. I looked back & the last post I made was in Jan 2019. That was a whole year ago.

I still want a place to blog & such, but I don’t know that comments is something I need to deal with or worry about. Most of the ones I get are either from friends that do it via other channels or people that just are trying to start an argument with me. I refuse to deal with arguments from people that will not effect my daily living. My anxiety & depression can not handle them. It isn’t worth my time to deal with them anyway. Besides I don’t like listening to myself complain & there is no reason to make you all listen too.

I am having more health problems with my fibro & seizures. I have doctor appointments (multiple times a month). The pain from the fibro has gotten bad enough that I am going to my primary care doctor to see if he can give me something for the pain cause Tylenol doesn’t do a thing anymore. When I want pain medication then you know the pain is bad. Even after my surgeries I was on pain meds for like three (3) days before stopping it & using Tylenol or nothing. So I am hoping against hope that I can have some new pain meds.

I do have a new neurologist this year & I am hoping that I will get some relief from my migraines & possibly some new ideas on why my seizures are changing (getting worse, causing other issues, etc) & so on. That is actually next week.

Honestly, the reason I forget to blog is one or more of a few things.

  • I am playing World of Warcraft or Minecraft
  • I am knitting or crocheting
  • I am watching movies or tv
  • I don’t know what to type or what to say

So yeah, those are the reasons I either forget or don’t type up blog posts. I should try making my posts via talking to my phone app (Otter) & seeing if I can manage that. Then I would just need to copy & paste it from my email every time. I could make the posts at night when I am getting ready to sleep. I may try that. No promises though.

So that is my plan & what I need to decide this year. Here is to hoping you have a wonderful 2020.

2018 in Review

So I thought I would go back over my goals for 2018 & see how I did. I did a quick look last night before typing this up & it didn’t look too horrible but I didn’t meet all of them. I never really thought I would though. So shall we see how I did?

1.) Do at least one book review a week (since I can read 4-5 books a week it shouldn’t be that hard).

I failed at this when my depression hit a hard time. I was doing fairly good at it. I may not have gotten one done a week but it averaged out to about one a week when I was managing to write them up. Oh, I never stopped reading. I


read. I just stopped being able to write up my thoughts on the books I read.

2.) Complete at least one blog post a month (I am not pushing myself on this)

I really failed on this. I don’t consider my book reviews as blog posts so I didn’t count those. Again I blame my depression & the fact I, honestly, do not believe my life & my activities all that interesting to anyone. No one wants to listen to me complain about my depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, step-mother, & the other various issues in my life

3.) Go to Branson, MO on vacation for 2 nights by myself (hoping for this in Janurary 2018)

Well, I over achieved this one. I actually went to Las Vegas, NV all by myself in September. I took a flight, a taxi from the airport, checked into a hotel, gambled (won over $1500 & lost it all), used Lyft (even D & B have never used Lyft or Uber), & managed credit card issues by myself without having a complete break down. Only had to call Dad once to calm myself down. So yeah, this one I went above & beyond the goal.

4.) Finish paying off my credit card

Oh this was funny of me to actually think I would get this done. I make a whopping $730 a month which $500 of that goes towards rent. Yep, didn’t happen.

5.) With said paid off credit card go to California to visit Jessica at Oceanside for a few days.

This didn’t happen either. Didn’t get the credit card paid off and so this never could happen. It was a long shot & I knew that when I made it a goal.

6.) Start to pay off said credit card once again.

See number 4.

7.) Complete the CAL/KAL that Jessica & I are doing this year.

I actually completed this. I designed 10 knitted blocks. I also crocheted the 10 blocks that Jessica designed. Put them all together and made a blanket. I am so proud of myself for this. It was my first time designing knitting patterns.

8.) Complete a year of knitting & crocheting things for me & not everyone else (i.e. finish my cardigan, make me at least 4 pairs of socks, & finish my Sophie

Wwwwwweeeeellllll, I failed this one big time. Once again, I don’t think I made myself a single thing this year, lol. That is normal for me though. I did work on my cardigan while I was in Vegas, but I didn’t complete it. I spent most of my year working on Mish Mash KAL/CAL.

9.) Finally pull myself out of this damn well of depression I have been in for the last year (don’t know how well that is going to go but I am trying)

I had good times & bad times with my depression & anxiety this year. The holidays are always very hard on me. I hate the holidays & always hope to not hit the depression brick wall at the end of October but I always do. I look at it this way. I have survived and I remain alive so it is a win in my book. It will always be a constant battle with those two things for me.

So that is my year in review. I didn’t succeed in all my goals but I never do. I don’t ever expect to succeed at all my goal, but I do try. I will be typing up my goals for 2019 in a few days to have up.