The Loss of My Baby


I cam home last night about 9:30pm & found that Candi could not move her back legs. I could tell she had feeling in them, but she couldn’t move them. I took her to the local emergency clinic & had Dad meet me there since he was already staying in Springfield, for R&R. The vet there told us that she had a back injury (we still don’t know how, but are guessing play was involved & someone stepped on her by the other three dogs) was told to crate her for the next 3-4 weeks & should be fine with the pain killers & muscle relaxants. Bought the crate & I took her home while Dad stayed in Springfield. This morning she was crying & shaking & in pain. I gave her the next dose, waited 40 minutes before leaving her. Went to Crane to pick up my script for my meds & then went back home. Approximately only gone for an hour. When I got back she still had not eaten or drank, & not gone to the potty. Also her back was crooked shaped & she was in a lot of pain. I called my normal vet & they told me to bring her in & he would look at her. So I called Dad & he met me in Aurora where the vet office is. He informed me that she slipped a disc & had a possible break in her back. Said that the could put her on steroids & see if she recovered the use of her legs. There was no guarantee of her recovery & even if she did the back would be very fragile & she would have to remain separated from the other dogs. No more jumping & no more standing on her hind legs.

Candi was a very go-lucky happy little girl. She loved to run & play with the other three dogs. I could not see committing her to a life of seclusion & no more playing. Even if she recovered the use of her back legs, she would still have to remain crated for the rest of her life & only allowed to get out when the others were up. I couldn’t do that to her. I don’t believe in crating dogs & I think it is cruel. So the only thing I could do was give her up. The xrays were showing the disc slipped & a possible break.

I just don’t know what to do without my little girl. She was my baby & I only got to have her for almost 7 years. I can’t even come to terms with what I had to do. But the best thing for her was not to go through the pain. I keep telling myself that she had a wonderful life & was so loved, but I just want her back & well.

No, I am not alone. Dad had planned to spend two nights in Springfield & since he can’t cancel now, he has brought me with him which is why I can post this now & not on Monday.

I am completely devasted & I honestly don’t know how much more I can deal with these losses. I already lost my mom in December 2011 & my best friend, Rhea, in August 211 & now I have lost my baby girl. I don’t think I can deal with all of these. I know she was a dog, but she was like a child to me. She was always there for me & I wasn’t when she needed me to be. I am sitting here typing this on the hotel bed bawling cause I want her back.


Rest In Peace, my sweet baby.
April 24, 2005 – April 19, 2012

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  1. Dogs are family too. I’m so sorry you have to go through all this. It’s a very hard decision, but keeping her in a crate, in pain, and lonely the rest of her life is no way to live. She may not have been the same sweet little girl you knew because of the pain, and the confusion of things being different. Mourn her like you would anyone else you loved and lost, but be glad you had the chance to love her. You’ve done the best you could by her, and that’s all anyone (including yourself) can expect.

    *hugs* *hugs*
    Amanda recently posted..Lazy LasagnaMy Profile

  2. Aw your poor little girl baby. I am so sorry to hear about your doggie. You were by her side until the very end and at least you know she is not in pain any longer. *hugs*

  3. I agree with what Amanda said. I had a chi who had Epilepsy. We had a pretty good handle on it. Then I got pregnant right around the time he started acting ‘weird’. So I thought he was having issues. Not long after I had Davey I took him to the vet for his regular check up the vet noticed he was having seizures a lot more then evey few months. I was told meds or I could put him down. I chose meds. A momth later my Moms dog sniffed him & he went psycho on my Moms dog. Animal control was called & I was forced to put him down. The vet told me Epilepsy can make a dog go crazy. It killed me to loose him. I had him 7 years.
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  4. That’s awful. Poor Candi. And poor you. I think everyone who owns pets know that sooner or later their pets will have to be put down (or pass away in some other way) but that doesn’t make it any easier when the time come. Sounds to me like you did all you could for her – and made the right decision in the end. She’s free now, try to think of it like that.

    Sounds silly to say it now but.. happy birthday *hugs*
    Karin recently posted..Versatile bloggerMy Profile

  5. How terribly sad and painful it is to lose your dear friend, especially when she was so young. Our house seemed so empty when we had to say goodbye to our other fur-girl. You say you were not there for Candi, but have peace knowing that you gave her everything you could for 7 whole years of her life. And in the end, you did the kindest, most loving thing you could which was to put her needs above yours – the ultimate sacrifice. She knew you loved her and she loved you back. I believe Candi is now playing very happily in doggie heaven, waiting for you to come be with her and all your other pets again one day!

  6. Sniff* Sniff* I can relate with you. I lost my bestfriend last year. He was my bestfriend because he was there ever since I was in college. I miss him again.

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