I had my last hearing on the sixth of this month. Already I have received my verdict. Not disabled. What the hell? I was sitting in the courtroom having panic attacks & I even knew my lawyer. I have just about reached my breaking point with this. I can’t work, but yet according to the judge, I can. Hmmm…let’s see.
Would your employer keep you employed if:
- You were consistently late due to having anxiety or panic attacks on the way to work?
- Anytime someone in the office sounded upset or mad, you would go hide in the bathroom or your car, whether you were the problem or not?
- Whenever someone came in that didn’t work there & sometimes even the ones that did work there, sent you into a panic attack or anxiety attack?
- Would have to stay home three or four times a week, just because you couldn’t handle being outside around so many people & noise?
- The minute that you realized that someone relied on you to get something done sends you into a panic or anxiety attack, rendering you unable to work it
- Whenever the phone rings, fax comes in, or even an email, you were consistently scared to death & would have to wonder if you could handle it or where it went to. Sending you into, once again, another panic or anxiety attack.
- When you get to flustered (which could happen just opening the mail) you forget everything. I mean everything, how to write, how to talk, etc.
- If you get reprimanded, talked you, or even looked at funny, you start to cry & have a panic or anxiety attack & go hide in the bathroom or car.
- The chance that you could have seizures if you get too stressed out or have too many panic or anxiety attacks.
- The fact that you were unable to drive & had to rely on someone else to provide transportation from the country to your job, which would be at least ten minutes away, no matter what. *I live in the country boonies*
Now let me check the door to see if potential employers are lining up….
I am back. Funny, there isn’t anyone here. I thought that all those qualities up there would have them lining up.
HA! Even my father would not hire me because of those problems. My father would be about the only one that would hire me if he could. What the hell am I supposed to do when he leaves me? I don’t have any way to make an income. I have no other family to provide for me other then my father. That doesn’t go without saying, I don’t think I could handle the guilt for being unable to work. But according to the judge & decision, I should be able to work. Don’t think I haven’t tried. I have so far managed to get a job & lose it the very first day two times.
This is what is stressing me out the most. I first filed for disability six years ago. First round was denied. This time around, they are only looking at the time from last March. Huh? What happened to the previous years? My bill collectors are not happy & I don’t even want to think about how much I owe anymore.
I am just at this point where I don’t want to do anymore. I am tired of it all.