Joke’s on me

I did a doozy last week. I broke my damn bed. How did I manage that one? Simple, I bent the damn frame until it separated at the joins. When you have myself (weighing in at a horrible 400lbs *more on that in a bit*), plus four dogs that weight, at least, 100lbs total, it causes for a very heavy amount to put on a damn bed frame. Then to top it off when I have insomnia I tend to roll around quite a bit. So I got a lovely surprise one morning. The bottom support went out & I went sliding from the top of the bed directly into the foot board. Since I didn’t know what happened & D & B were still asleep, I pulled the mattress & box springs off the frame & found the broken support. Once D woke up I had him come down to help me remove the frame. I got lectured about how I am not supposed to be moving heavy things (my fibro acts up every time I do & was no different this time). I thought the support just broke, but he found that the join had split. So we got that removed & then headed to Springfield to get a new metal frame. Didn’t need he headboard or the foot board, so wasn’t worried about getting anything fancy. Went to the furniture store & got what was supposed to be a queen platform metal bed frame. Well, they cobbled it together trying to get me up off the floor but it didn’t work. We tried to put it together & it was either missing pieces or we didn’t have the correct pieces. Oh well, I went on amazon & bought a Classic Brands Hercules Platform Heavy Duty Metal Bed Frame for my queen. So far I only have one problem with it. My bed before put me at about 13inches off the ground. While resting my mattresses on the floor was nice, but looked like I was some kind of hobo, lol. The frame now puts me way over 15inches off the ground.

The one on the left is my mattresses laying on the floor. The one on the right is the new frame. It is a little high, eh?
my mattresses on the ground
The footstool is for Allie & Shiloh to get up on the bed. My bed in the old house was a high one & they couldn’t jump it easily so we taught them to jump on the footstool then the bed. The pillows at the foot of the bed on the floor is for a certain little boy who is used to having a foot board to lay against. (He fell off the bed the first night it was on the floor)

I like it high up, but I am afraid it is going to be more of a problem cause I have to actually climb into the bed instead of just sit on it. But then that would be a tiny bit of exercise, right? I think I am going to have Dad help me & remove the box springs. Supposedly you don’t have to have the springs with this frame so I may try that. I don’t know if I will be able to get into the bed when my fibro acts up. *By “fibro acts up” I mean having a really bad pain flare day.* Yes, Shiloh is wearing a shirt. He will continue to wear a shirt until he learns that Pippa is not to be messed with. He like to snap at her heels & try to boss her around. He doesn’t care that she out weights him by at least 40lbs & has bit & drew blood before. He doesn’t learn his lesson. I have found that if he wears a shirt, Pippa doesn’t make skin contact hard enough to draw blood. So he is in a shirt.

If you are curious about what & how his shirts are created, I will give you a quick lesson. I buy a 12 month baby shirt (9 to 10 month is better, but are hard to find). I roll up the bottom of the backside (his tummy side) until it is above his wee-wee (he hates things touching his wee-wee though he doesn’t mind showing it off) & sew it from seam to seam. Then I take the neckline & dart it up tight enough that he won’t walk out of it, about 1.5inches. Then he has custom made doggie shirts. For girls, I do the same thing with the neckline, but not the rolling of the hem.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with my psychiatrist (I am so fucked up I only see her once every three months). I had to have vitals & got a surprise of my life. Thought I was doing so damn good with my weight. I knew I hadn’t lost much, but I thought I had maintained where I was. Nope. I now weight 401lbs. Someone just shoot me now. I have no idea how this is going to be handled. B says that she is going to go with me to Dr. Thomas (primary care) & hopefully get me sent to a bariatric specialist to see what they can do to help me. I don’t want surgery, but at the same time I don’t want to wind up 600lbs or more. Diets don’t work for me & it seems no matter how much I exercise nothing happens. I know how to eat & I eat pretty damn good according to the food pyramid. I do splurge once a week, but it isn’t horrible. I don’t eat all the time & my snacks are normally fruit or nuts. I do know I eat too many carbs, but even those I eat more good carbs then bad carbs. My problem is me metabolism is so damn slow. I refuse to do anything that makes me sick or running to the bathroom all the time. I don’t want to do lap band, bypass, or any surgery like that. Personally, I don’t think I would be a candidate & I don’t choose to give up my lifestyle.

It isn’t what I put in my mouth it is how quickly my body handles the food. This is gross, but true. My mother & I ate out & somehow managed to get food poisoning. She had the vomiting & diarrhea. I only had the vomiting. Three days later I got the diarrhea. My doctor (I did go cause I couldn’t stop) informed me that it was probably because it took my body three days to process the food. If that is the case then is it any wonder why I have a upset stomach all the damn time. Food is sitting in it for three days (honestly, don’t know if I believe the doctor or not). I don’t over eat (I rarely am hungry at all). I have my small portions & that is all I eat. Yes, I may eat two peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in the morning, but that is all I am eating until supper.

My food for a day usually consists of this: 2 eggs, sausage, one biscuit, a little gravy (by a little I am meaning about 2 tablespoons) for breakfast & 16oz of mountain dew (my one cheat for the day). For lunch I either have a ham sandwich or a pb&j with 16oz of Sprite Zero (there ain’t nothing in it). There is no snack between breakfast & lunch, but there is usually about 20 oz of water. Then around 3pm I normally will have a snack of 5 chocolate covered peanuts, 6 semi-sweet chocolate chips (the kind you put in cookies) *my favorite*, 4 graham crackers, an apple, a banana, or 1/2 cup of grapes. (yes, this is what I eat every day). Also in between lunch & dinner is at least 20oz of water. Supper I normally eat a small portion of potatoes or a starch, about 6oz of meat, medium portion of veggies, & a medium amount of salad if it is made. Also for the rest of the night I will drink about 20oz or more of water, tea, or Sprite Zero. Now you tell me, is this that bad??????

I exercise as much as I can. As long as I am not having a pain flare day I am pretty good. I walk, climb stairs & run my bike. It isn’t working though. Even when I was doing water aerobics I only lost 6lbs in 4 months & I was restricting my diet even more then.

I told you all I am severally fucked up. I don’t have the strength for this fight on top of all the other fights I deal with every day. I am so tired of fighting. I fight with myself the minute I wake up to the second I fall asleep at night.

I am so close to just giving it all up. I am having a hard time finding the reason to continue the fight.

I’ll keep you posted on what happens.

Sigh,

I honestly, don’t know how much I will update right now. At least not until the move is over & completed. Between planning the wedding, getting things ready to move, I just don’t have the energy to blog on top of it. Just know that I have a lot of knitting & I will have several finished projects to show you once I come back. So yeah, Amarantine is going on hiatus for a while.

Yeah, I am quite depressed & a few other things. Mainly having to deal with way to much stress. But if you need to talk to me then check me out on twitter & facebook.

Knitting Thursday

I know, I know it has been ages since I got one of these typed up. To be honest, I don’t really feel like doing it today, but I will persevere through it, lol.

So Dad is recovering quite nicely from his surgery. I am still mentally & emotionally exhausted, but getting better. For me the last few weeks have been too stressful but I haven’t had any seizures, unless I am having them while I am sleeping which could be happening, so I am quite pleased with myself.

Things between Brenda (girlfriend) & Dad are progressing quite quickly (to quickly in my opinion). Most of that info will be for another post & protected at that. Both Brenda & Dad read this & so there are some things I don’t want them into, lol.

Moving on to the knitting items that I know is why you came here, lol. I have added a new page to the site. It is my Knitting To-Do List. Also on that page will let you know if the commissions are open or not.

So what I have I managed to do these last few weeks?? I finished two commissions & started work on finishing another. Want to see?? Of course you do.



Yep, two more Tiger Lily Cowls. I can say that after making three of them, I am definitely bored & tired of the pattern, lol.

Since I am done with those I have moved on to finishing the Queen Anne Lace shawl #2. When Dad & I were are Barnes & Noble last Friday we lucked into getting a bigger table & so I decided that it was time to take a full picture.


I am sitting here looking at it & realizing that I only have 42 rounds left, but it is at the point where the rounds take forever to get through. I love circular shawls, but I hate the bind off due to the amount of stitches, lol.

Last but not least, I took a sound clip from when we arrived home last night. Remember I always say that we get chewed out by Allie every time we come home? I actually remembered to record it last night. Yes, it is a video, but my finger was over the screen for the most part. No, you don’t get to see my house, lol. But you can here Allie chewing us out for arriving home later than three seconds after we left. This is a normal issue when we get home every night. It is worse & lasts longer if Dad is gone or if we don’t come home every night. I feel the need to tell you that we do leave them home alone for up to two nights. Mind you they are not crated, paper trained, & free fed. Anytime we are not going to be home for two nights, they have extra food, water, & papers put down for them. Their room is the bathroom & hallway. In all they have just about a 6ft x 5 ft room to themselves. They do not wear collars in the house due to I am deathly afraid that they will get them caught & the break away collar won’t break & I will come home to them strangled.There is nothing in the bathroom that they can hurt themselves on. If they somehow do manage to get out of their room there is water & food in the kitchen for them. They are completely safe & our neighbors know that they are there.

She has separation anxiety & Dad is her person. He has to be there or she thinks she is abandoned by him. This is why it is hard when he goes to spend the night away. I get to deal with a mopey, depressed dog that lies on his side of the bed & “hang dogs” looks at the back door waiting for him to get home. It is easier on her when Dad tells her how many nights he is going to be gone. I don’t care what people say, she understand the passing of nights. If he tells her it will be two nights & he doesn’t show up by the third she is worse, more crying, more depressed then she was the first two nights. The best way to think of a Miniature Schnauzer is that they are toddlers in a dog’s body.



Guest Post: Shiloh

Today I thought I would do something different. So I have invited a guest to make a post. Just not the type of guest most would imagine I would do. So without further ado, here we go:

Hi, my name is Shiloh MoonRoc. I am a Bichon Frise, yep I am very fluffy & soft. The other thing in the picture is my big sister, AllieMae. She is a miniature Schnauzer. Though I am the cutest in the family no matter what she thinks. Also, no I am not named after Angelina Jolie’s baby, as if it was cuter than me. Mommy’s family used to have a farm called Shiloh & so when I choose to go with Mommy, they decided on that name for me.

I am here to talk to you about a serious issue with dogs (or at least my serious issue). I must have a night-light in my bedroom. If I don’t I get nightmares. I am not talking about the little nightmares of whimper & moans, I am talking about full-fledged screams & cries that wake Mommy up from a dead sleep. Needless to say, that I have finally taught Mommy that if the nightlight goes out at 3am in the morning she has to get up & replace it. The only other way is to make her let me sleep with her in the crook of her arms holding me all night. Even my sissy isn’t able to calm me down enough to go back to sleep. Though just between you & me, I sometimes pretend to have nightmares so that Mommy will let me sleep with her.

So what I am saying is that if your babies, scream or cry in the night, the best thing is to let them sleep with you or give them a night-light. Yes, I know of Thunder Shirts, but Mommy tried those, but I took it off in about three minutes. Yep, I am very smart. Mommy says I am too smart for my own good. Though I don’t think she knows any better.

Do me a huge favor, if you have a fur-baby (Mommy calls me that) then give them a big hug & pet for me.

Oh, Mommy I expect lots of butt scratches (I love the top of my butt scratched) & lots of thumb chewing for this. My favorite thing is to mouth Mommy’s thumb. Never bite, just mouth it death, lol.

Quick Tip for Pet Owners

We live in the country in a house that is over a hundred years old. That means, that the house is not that great on installation & it can be a little drafty. Combine that with the fact we don’t keep the heat on high in the winter so the house is somewhat chilly. We have two dogs a Miniature Schnauzer & a Bichon Frise. We keep them cut short & in their summer cuts (normally what a groomer calls a puppy cut) so their hair is short. This is easier for us on upkeep & less mats that can come about. Well, when winter comes that means the dogs don’t have the full coat to keep warm in. Well, Mom came up with the idea & we have kept it up since then.

Why pay $15 to $20 on dog shirts when there is a perfectly good substitution in the baby aisles? Yep, baby clothes. You can find the cutest shirts for your babies. So that is what I have done multiple times. The best part? I only spend about $4 to $5 per shirt. Compared to the amount for dog shirts, I have saved quite a bit of money. Even better is if you go to a thrift shop (second-hand clothing) you can get them even cheaper. I do suggest that you buy actual shirts not thin undershirts. So here is how we break this down.

Allie

Allie is the Miniature Schnauzer & she weights approx. 23 pounds. So we bought a few sizes knowing that she would be somewhere in the 12 – 20 month baby size. This is where a second-hand store is perfect, they are so cheap. We found out that she is a 18 month size. Mac (my baby that weighted 20 pounds) wore the same size. Since Allie is a girl there is nothing else needed to be done. Since Allie is a tomboy acting, we normally find her playful ones. The latest one is this one from Kmart. Dad loves dragons & so I thought it would be perfect. Since she squats to relieve herself, there is no issue with it becoming wet or uncomfortable. The only thing you do need to watch is that the bottom doesn’t hang down so far from the belly that when they walk or jump they don’t catch in the shirt. If that is the case then it is a simple matter or darting up the sides to make it a little tighter. Allie never has an issue with these shirts & they keep her warm.

Shiloh

Now Shiloh is a little more difficult. He weighs approx. 12 pounds & judging from Allie’s baby clothing size, I figured he would need a 12 month size. I was right, they fit him beautifully. Though with his there are adjustments that have to be made. He is a boy & even though he squats to relieve himself, the very nature of little boys makes shirts a little more difficult for him. It also doesn’t help that he hates for things to touch his wee-wee (yes, he actually knows what that means) *side note: he likes to lay on his back splayed legged & we tell him that he is showing off his wee-wee & then he rolls over with a sheepish look (all in playing)* Well, the shirts come down too far in the bottom for him. He will sulk & refuse to go potty if they are not out-of-the-way (plus I am sure that it would get wet & uncomfortable for him). So we used to always buy dog shirts for him because of the shorter bottom that they had. I decided that I was tired of buying them so I fixed the baby shirts for him. Wanna see?
This is the front of the shirt, nothing changed or different. The saying suits him perfectly. He is a very loud & opinionated baby. Hee hee, so when I saw this I knew it was perfect for him. You can see on the left where the adjustments start. Remember the dog shirts are shorter in the back (belly) then the front(back)? So here is what I did.

The dog shirt belly was about 1.5 inch shorter than the front. So I did the same thing just by folding up the belly section. Then running a whip stitch along the top edge so that it won’t come back down. This works beautifully for Shiloh. Nothing touches his wee-wee & he can potty without anything in the way. Now if you wanted to go & do it all then you would cut & machine sew. I don’t have my machine set up at the moment & for quick little things like this I prefer to hand sew the entire thing. Also if you hand sew it, then make sure you stop every now & then to pull & stretch the shirt out so that the stitches will relax & not bunch up. If you don’t cut anything, you can switch out the shirts (if you get a new puppy or yours outgrows it) to another if needed. *why I didn’t cut mine, cause we will probably get another girl once the unfortunate happens with Shiloh, so I can just remove the stitches & have an extra shirt* If you machine sew it then use a zig-zag stitch to allow for the stretch of the material.

Size Break Down

These are just guesses for the weight & size of baby clothes. My advice is to go to a thrift (second-hand) store & buy a range of sizes eyeballing them to the closest fit & try them on the furbaby. My Chihuahua would wear premie to newborn depending on the brand & how much darting I wanted to do. She only weighted about 5 pounds.

  • 20 to 25 pounds – About a 18 month old size
  • 15 to 20 pounds – About a 16 month old size
  • 10 to 15 pounds – About a 12 month old size
  • 5 to 10 pounds – About a newborn to 6 month old depending on the built of the dog

Again, this is what I do for my fur babies. They even wear them to the vet office & anywhere they go. This way, I know immediately which babies are mine & it give me something to grab quickly if I need to. Plus, it is a simple quick change & wash. It is even cheaper if you are a mom & have old baby clothes that you are not using anymore.

Hope this helps someone & you can use it.

ShadoeRoc


February 24, 2000 – July 24, 2012 (12 wonderful years)

This goofy loveable dog was my ShadoeRoc. I got him at nine weeks old from the shelter. He was a German Shepard/Siberian Husky mix. If you don’t know Siberian Husky is my favorite breed of dog. I can still remember the day I got him. Dad told me that there was to be no more dogs under any circumstances due to the fact that we were finally down to one after a total of four (old age for the other three). I agreed before we went into PetsMart. The local shelter was there & I am a sucker for puppies & kittens. I went over where they were & the minute our eyes met, I knew this was my dog & I was his. I showed him to mom & she said that I could have him. I was head over heels. I even butted in front of another family that was looking at him. He wasn’t paying any attention to them just me. He came home with me that night. Shadoe was only nine weeks old & they had already fixed him. *too early in my opinion, no chance to grow up* My father came into PetsMart as Mom & I were checking out. He asked me what that was in the cart & I told him it was a husky puppy. A beautiful, choose me, puppy. I still remember that Dad actually didn’t get mad at me for breaking my word & let me keep Shadoe. *though I think Mom had a lot to do with it* To this day, Shadoe never was unhappy to see me. Even blind & partially deaf, he would light up the minute I spoke to him or touched him. He was my baby boy & he knew it. I never worried about being alone in the house or sitting outside in the dark. He was always there with me. I could have done anything with my baby boy. He is the only dog I knew that if you let him sleep inside he refused to go to the bathroom inside & insisted on going outside. He was never house-trained due to him being an outside dog. But in cold nights, I would let him sleep in the house & he would always insist on going back out to go to the bathroom, never did he make a mistake. I was expecting to find one in the morning, but nope.

The last few months, Shadoe was slowing down & having more trouble moving around. He never acted like he was in pain or I would have stepped in & made a horrible choice. I knew I didn’t want him to be in pain. This morning when Dad when out to feed them before me, Dad found him passed away. He died in the night & I am happy to know that he is in a better place. Oh, I miss him & don’t know what I am going to do without my baby boy, but I don’t have to worry that he is hurting.

Rest in Loving Peace


February 24, 2000 – July 24, 2012 (12 wonderful years)

Thank you

I just wanted to pop in & tell everyone thank you for all your wonderful words on the loss of my Candi. I am feeling better, though I still miss her. I know I made the best decision for her. Thanks again.

The Loss of My Baby

Candi

I cam home last night about 9:30pm & found that Candi could not move her back legs. I could tell she had feeling in them, but she couldn’t move them. I took her to the local emergency clinic & had Dad meet me there since he was already staying in Springfield, for R&R. The vet there told us that she had a back injury (we still don’t know how, but are guessing play was involved & someone stepped on her by the other three dogs) was told to crate her for the next 3-4 weeks & should be fine with the pain killers & muscle relaxants. Bought the crate & I took her home while Dad stayed in Springfield. This morning she was crying & shaking & in pain. I gave her the next dose, waited 40 minutes before leaving her. Went to Crane to pick up my script for my meds & then went back home. Approximately only gone for an hour. When I got back she still had not eaten or drank, & not gone to the potty. Also her back was crooked shaped & she was in a lot of pain. I called my normal vet & they told me to bring her in & he would look at her. So I called Dad & he met me in Aurora where the vet office is. He informed me that she slipped a disc & had a possible break in her back. Said that the could put her on steroids & see if she recovered the use of her legs. There was no guarantee of her recovery & even if she did the back would be very fragile & she would have to remain separated from the other dogs. No more jumping & no more standing on her hind legs.

Candi was a very go-lucky happy little girl. She loved to run & play with the other three dogs. I could not see committing her to a life of seclusion & no more playing. Even if she recovered the use of her back legs, she would still have to remain crated for the rest of her life & only allowed to get out when the others were up. I couldn’t do that to her. I don’t believe in crating dogs & I think it is cruel. So the only thing I could do was give her up. The xrays were showing the disc slipped & a possible break.

I just don’t know what to do without my little girl. She was my baby & I only got to have her for almost 7 years. I can’t even come to terms with what I had to do. But the best thing for her was not to go through the pain. I keep telling myself that she had a wonderful life & was so loved, but I just want her back & well.

No, I am not alone. Dad had planned to spend two nights in Springfield & since he can’t cancel now, he has brought me with him which is why I can post this now & not on Monday.

I am completely devasted & I honestly don’t know how much more I can deal with these losses. I already lost my mom in December 2011 & my best friend, Rhea, in August 211 & now I have lost my baby girl. I don’t think I can deal with all of these. I know she was a dog, but she was like a child to me. She was always there for me & I wasn’t when she needed me to be. I am sitting here typing this on the hotel bed bawling cause I want her back.

CandiCandi

Rest In Peace, my sweet baby.
April 24, 2005 – April 19, 2012

Knitting Porn & Moth Pics

Whew! It has been hectic this past week. I thought everything was going to go slowly, but it decided to go like a speeding whirlwind, lol. But some good things have come from it. We finally know that Mom is going to Christian Health Care East in Springfield, MO & she will be moved on Wednesday October 4, 2011. Now whether she thinks it is a good thing or not I don’t know. But she refuses to work with therapy & I am not going to ask that Select Hospital keep her if she won’t work. So she gets moved. Hopefully, she will remain at Christian Health Care East for the rest of her life. If she comes home then I will have to move out which Dad says he won’t accept. Big long story behind it, but the short part is: Most of my “problems” are due to Mom & the way she treated me & took care of me. So Dad says she won’t come home unless we both are leaving. Don’t get me wrong, I am still having problems & am unable to hold down a job, but my seizures have almost completely quit (stress) & my panic attacks are not as bad. Since I don’t have my trigger I can manage them, but not enough to manage my own life or live by myself. I doubt if I will ever be able to do that. But Dad says that is fine & I can remain with him.

Needles 1
What could this be? From Knitpicks? Oooh…..I know what it is!!! My needles & cables have finally made it. I get to make hats & socks now.

Needles 2
My beautiful new US 9, US 7, US 15, & US 11 (from left to right) needle tips.

Needles 3
Another shot of the US 11 tips & my US 7 16 inch circular needle (hats & Wesley’s overalls).

Needles 4
This is my US 3 47 inch circular needle for making socks. The tips kept unscrewing from the cable, so I figured that I would get a fixed needle to prevent that.

Needles 5
My new 32 inch cable & 60 inch cable. Yep, 60 inches from needle tip to needle tip. Got it mainly for when I make shawls, I am already almost at the end of my 47 inch cable that I am using for Mom’s shawl (it won’t fit in my camera lens anymore, lol).

Think I am finished? Guess again. Remember the categories are like my tags. There is still the animals section, lol. :yikes:

Dad & I were coming out of Select Hospital the other night when I noticed this little guy on one of the columns. My version of capturing wild animals is always with the camera so here is some moth porn.

Ok, now I am finished. As always be careful & have fun.