Thank you

Thank you

I just wanted to pop in & tell everyone thank you for all your wonderful words on the loss of my Candi. I am feeling better, though I still miss her. I know I made the best decision for her. Thanks again.

The Loss of My Baby

The Loss of My Baby

Candi

I cam home last night about 9:30pm & found that Candi could not move her back legs. I could tell she had feeling in them, but she couldn’t move them. I took her to the local emergency clinic & had Dad meet me there since he was already staying in Springfield, for R&R. The vet there told us that she had a back injury (we still don’t know how, but are guessing play was involved & someone stepped on her by the other three dogs) was told to crate her for the next 3-4 weeks & should be fine with the pain killers & muscle relaxants. Bought the crate & I took her home while Dad stayed in Springfield. This morning she was crying & shaking & in pain. I gave her the next dose, waited 40 minutes before leaving her. Went to Crane to pick up my script for my meds & then went back home. Approximately only gone for an hour. When I got back she still had not eaten or drank, & not gone to the potty. Also her back was crooked shaped & she was in a lot of pain. I called my normal vet & they told me to bring her in & he would look at her. So I called Dad & he met me in Aurora where the vet office is. He informed me that she slipped a disc & had a possible break in her back. Said that the could put her on steroids & see if she recovered the use of her legs. There was no guarantee of her recovery & even if she did the back would be very fragile & she would have to remain separated from the other dogs. No more jumping & no more standing on her hind legs.

Candi was a very go-lucky happy little girl. She loved to run & play with the other three dogs. I could not see committing her to a life of seclusion & no more playing. Even if she recovered the use of her back legs, she would still have to remain crated for the rest of her life & only allowed to get out when the others were up. I couldn’t do that to her. I don’t believe in crating dogs & I think it is cruel. So the only thing I could do was give her up. The xrays were showing the disc slipped & a possible break.

I just don’t know what to do without my little girl. She was my baby & I only got to have her for almost 7 years. I can’t even come to terms with what I had to do. But the best thing for her was not to go through the pain. I keep telling myself that she had a wonderful life & was so loved, but I just want her back & well.

No, I am not alone. Dad had planned to spend two nights in Springfield & since he can’t cancel now, he has brought me with him which is why I can post this now & not on Monday.

I am completely devasted & I honestly don’t know how much more I can deal with these losses. I already lost my mom in December 2011 & my best friend, Rhea, in August 211 & now I have lost my baby girl. I don’t think I can deal with all of these. I know she was a dog, but she was like a child to me. She was always there for me & I wasn’t when she needed me to be. I am sitting here typing this on the hotel bed bawling cause I want her back.

CandiCandi

Rest In Peace, my sweet baby.
April 24, 2005 – April 19, 2012

Keeping It Real

Keeping It Real

I read Woolly Wormhead’s blog every time she puts out a new entry. Yes, it is a knitting blog, but she writes just about everything. The last entry struck a cord within me & so I thought I would share with you all the points & paragraphs that struck home.

The entry is titled: Keeping It Real

“There are numerous reasons why we choose to live the way we do, living an alternative, low tech and simple lifestyle. One of those reasons is the sense of community with like minded people, people who accept you the way you are, for what you are, without judgement. To many, we live on the fringes – there isn’t room for people to choose to live as we do within mainstream society. Our politics or lifestyle choices don’t fit, our want to not be pinned down to bricks and mortar clashes with the status quo, and like any other human being, we gravitate towards those of a similar mind.”

I would love to & do my best to live a low tech & simple life. I take great pleasure in the fact that I don’t have data plans on my phone, don’t have cable, don’t need to have the latest new technology that is released. Even the food I cook is simple. I do my best to shop locally & only when I can’t find it or get what I need here do I shop non-local. I completely agree with Woolly Wornhead.

“My point is this: life happens. It isn’t a jolly little journey through which we can happily skip without a care in the world. Shit happens. And amazing stuff happens, too.

I, for one, am sick to death (almost, quite literally) of those who insist that we should all be happy, all of the time. That isn’t real life, it’s a veneer. This idea that we all have to grin and bear it, or better yet, sweep it under the carpet and pretend it doesn’t exist, is a damaging one. This mentality that is alive and well in many areas, that suggests that the negative should never be mentioned or the different should never be accepted, is a problem. A big problem.”

Yep, life isn’t a happy merry go round, never has been never will be. I, personally, refuse to be anything but myself. Between the bullies in school to events knocking me down I have learned that you always have to pick yourself back up. Oh, you can have help picking yourself up, but YOU have to want to get back up. Yeah, I know it isn’t easy nor is it pain free, but throughout my life (all 32 years) it all comes down you whether you want to get up or not. Yes, it s a lot easier to remain down & out, but that doesn’t do anyone any good. I do my best to accept people the way they are & I think I do a pretty good job, but then I am still fighting to pick myself back up from last year.

I know, just when you expect more knitting, I give you thinking things, lol.