What is Going On

If you follow me on twitter (tigerwhispers) then you have probably got the drift that I am not always sleeping or living at my house. Well, for the last nine months I have been splitting my times between Jock’s house & my house. The reason why is because Desi is going through a tough patch at the moment & Jock & I felt that it would be helpful to her if both of us were around with her. So my two poor babies (dogs) have been going back & forth with me to his house & my house for the last nine months. Did I mention that he also has two small dogs & a Great Dane (the dane stays at his parents house next door, but lets himself in & out of each house as he choses) at the property. So needless to say it has been a wonderful roller coaster for the last nine months. But I thought I would tell you all what is happening & hopefully now it will start settling down. Though with Jock going to the doctor today, I don’t know. It seems like just as one thing settles another shows up, but that is life.

Back Story

When Desi was first brought to us from her biological mother’s care she was severally neglected. Both physically & mentally. Well, where Jordan (the father named on the birth certificate) lived at the time there was a family in the next apartment with a little girl that was just about Desi’s age. I don’t exactly how it happened, but the two of them became best friends. At this time Jordan did not live next to his parents where Jock lives. Jordan lived about two hours away. But he brought Desi to see his mother & father every weekend. One weekend about a year after Jordan was granted full custody of Desi, he dropped her off at Jock’s house for the weekend & he left for the weekend saying he would be back to pick her up. He disappeared for six month abandoning Desi. He called Jock & told him that he couldn’t handle it anymore & filed the papers for Jock to take custody of Desi. Problem. This separated Desi from her best friend (Mei-Mei) by two hours. Though by this time she realized that I was closer & could spend time with her, but I was her age. After about three months, the house across the street from Jock was sold & a family was moving in. Jock had never met Mei-Mei’s family so he didn’t know. Desi took one look & started squealing & crying, scaring the daylights out of Jock *she was only about four at this time*. Meanwhile Mei-Mei’s parents knew that they were moving closer to Desi, but had no idea that they were moving across the street from her. So Desi & Mei-Mei were re-united & have to this day remain un-separated from each day. There is a joke between Xue & me that we should go clothes shopping together, cause they wind up in each other’s closet anyway. Desi & Mei-Mei are like twins, if one has it then the other does to. Half of Desi clothing & toys are at Mei-Mei’s house & vice versa. After about a year & a half a single mother & her daughter moved in to the house on Jock’s other side. So enter Ashleen into the twinhood (as we used to call the two of them). Ashleen went to school with both girls & became really good friends & so our twins became triplets. Jock has no clue what to do when all three are at his house, lol. That is how things have been up until nine months ago when the bomb exploded as Desi calls it.

Nine Months Ago to Present Day

During the early spring, Mei-Mei wasn’t feeling very good, but Xue & Ting (Xue’s Mother that was visiting to help with Pei the baby) wasn’t really worried just figured that Mei-Mei was catching a spring cold. But as springtime progressed Mei-Mei wasn’t feeling any better so Xue set up a doctor visit. The weekend before Mei-Mei’s appointment Pei (he is three) & the girls (all three) were outside swinging when Mei-Mei passed out. The ambulance was called & she went to the hospital. Desi was inconsolable & so Jock called me to come & see if I could get her to calm down. Before this time the two girls had never been separated for longer then a couple of days, but Desi was very upset. Once I got there, I finally got Desi to tell me that Mei-Mei was hiding how bad she was feeling & how much pain she was in. So I was sitting on Jock’s couch with two nine year old little girls sobbing & thinking their best friend is going to die trying to get Jock to call Rong (Mei-Mei’s Father) to tell him everything Desi was telling me.
Since I know the hospital won’t let Desi anywhere near the rooms, I stay home with Ash & her while Jock goes to see if he can help Mei-Mei’s parents. He comes back home after about three hours. By this time I have gotten both girls calmed down & sitting in Jock’s office/study reading. He then informs me that Mei-Mei is on her way to Tulsa, OK to the cancer hospital. The doctors found that she had multiple tumors & her white count was very very high. The doctor gave Mei-Mei two options either Tulsa or St. Jude’s & Tulsa was faster. Mei-Mei still hadn’t woken up but all sign showed that she was stable. Even to this day Mei-Mei does not remember the ambulance ride to Tulsa. She spent the next nine months at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Tulsa, OK. She finally got to come home for Christmas. I think Desi busted my eardrums when they saw each other. So far she is tumor & cancer free, but she has to go back to Tulsa in Janurary, March, & May for re-testing. If her blood counts & everything comes up clean then she can go with every two month check up here with her normal doctor. But if at any time the tests come back wrong she knows that she is back in the hospital. Personally, our bald princess (yes, that is what we call her), has done wonderfully. She has manged to remain up to date with her school work (by her choice, parents didn’t approve), stayed up beat through out the whole painful treatment, & *this is my most painful part* didn’t mind the loss of her waist length silky black hair *I still want to cry over that*. She is quite proud to run around the town bald & thinks it is the funnest thing when people look at her twice.

Mei-Mei’s team of doctors were very strict about her treatment. They refused to let anyone under the age of 16 in to see Mei-Mei & everything that was brought to her had to be disinfected. But she still managed to be upbeat & talked with Desi & Ash via webcam & cell phones. *trust me those phone bills were not pretty* Her mother moved to Tulsa to stay with her during her treatment & her mother’s workplace tried to fire her for not showing up. So Rong & Jock had to go settle that. For some reason, Jock didn’t think that me putting my fist through Xue’s boss’ face would help the situation. I thought it would help a lot since he had the nerve to call her & tell her that she was fired if she didn’t come into work that day when he knew she was with her daughter. Pei was basically taken care of by Jock, Pei’s grandmother & Rong, when Rong was off work.

Desi throughout this entire situation has semi reverted back to when she was first brought into our lives. So she has been really clingy & not wanting to be left alone. She is still afraid that Jock & I are going to abandon her & disappear. Though we keep telling her that we won’t & her therapist is working with her, the situation was just more then Desi could handle without both of us in the house with her. Normally, I just come & spend Saturday night with Jock & Desi. Though Desi & I talk every day, Jock is the one that mainly takes care of her, due to my seizures & other medical problems we both decided that was just not something she needed to have around after her biological mother & her problems. But with Mei-Mei being sick & Desi having so many emotional problems from it we both decided that I should come & stay for a while. So my days have been getting up at 5am; Jock taking me to Marionville to help Mom, then going back home to pick up Desi & Ash for school. Then Jock meets me in Republic during his lunch hour & brings me back to his house. There I wait for the school bus to bring my kids home. Then I babysit Pei, Ash, & Desi until parents arrive around 6pm. Then normally we all (three families) sit down to eat at Jock’s house. Oh, I forgot to mention that Jock gets home around 5pm; then fixes supper with me for the three families. After supper the kids go home to work on homework & Jock & I wonder why we are playing at being married when we aren’t. Don’t worry, we just find the humor in everything. Then about 9pm Desi goes to bed. I go into the office/study to make up the futon for my bed only to get in a play argument with Jock over the fact that we aren’t married/shouldn’t share a bed/no sex for the thousand time only to have him tell me that fine make my bed, & he will just move me when I have fallen asleep. Yes, I sleep deep enough that if you talk to me just right I will sleepwalk & go wherever you want me to. Jock has proven that to me over & over. So I give & we turn his King into two twins, with two separate sets of covers on top. By this time it is now about 10pm & I am exhausted. So I take my bath, throw wet washcloth at Jock’s head to keep him on his toes. Then climb into bed to read for an hour or two. Yeah, I know I am exhausted, but unless I read, I don’t sleep. About 3am we hear the click clack of Bailey (Min Schnauzer) & Copper (Havenese) go down the hall. So one of us has to get up & bring Desi back to bed cause she doesn’t need to hide food away *she used to have to in order to get anything to eat with her biological mother* anymore. Tuck Desi back into bed & then collapse back into bed. Then at 5am wake up & realize that you may have started out with two separate covers but in your sleep you wound up sleeping on top of covers snuggled up to a living male human. *I gravitate to what ever is warm* Trust me, Jock is not the size of my Mac (Min Schnauzer) that normally share my bed.

No, there is nothing I am hiding from Jock. He has already seen me in my birthday suit *is that what it is called anymore?* When you tend to fall out of showers, scream, men tend to come running to see if they can help. Even when you tell them not to open the door. So yes, he has seen me in my most embarrassed & red blushed state. He also knows if he says one word about it again, I with knock his eyes out, lol. My parents & most people that see Jock & I together sweat that we either are married or have been married for a very long time. Usually we just look at each other & go “Ewww! Why would I want you?” to each other. But that is us. Desi finds it hysterical. Jock & I are the type that will have a french fry food fight at McDonald’s & then pick up the fries & do it again. Yes, Desi knows this but she also understands that she is to pick up any mess & she had better not hit anyone other then her intended target & that had better be Jock or I. Plus, our food fights are with food that doesn’t make messes. Last night it was five raw carrot circles that I was going to put in the crockpot for our supper, but Jock informed me that it looked Hillbillyish & he didn’t know if he wanted to eat it. So I threw a carrot at him. He then threw it at Desi & she to Ash & she to Mei-Mei. This is just normal average day in the Jock/Hev household. The dogs loved it cause they got the carrots when we were finished.

Oh my, I have completely gotten off subject here. I am sorry. Anyway. Mei-Mei is back at home & I am still playing two households & probably will continue to play them for at least another month or two. Unless my mother’s health takes another turn for the worst. In November, my mother went to the doctor cause we though she had a cold & found out that she was retaining fuild & it was built up on her lungs & heart. She had gained 45 pounds in six months. Which was very bad since we hadn’t changed our eating or exercise habits. So she is now on meds for it & Dad is watching her. So I’ve had my hands full & honestly, spread way to thin. I have really a hard time keeping up with everything online & offline. That is why this blog is abandoned sometimes & why I have a long hiatus from the QBee. I have to take care of my family. They are first.

Squealing with Happiness

Big Cat Pride When I arrived at the office today & my father got back from the post office, he handed me an envelope from 1-2-3 Stitch. Mom asks me why did I order something & didn’t ask first. I told them I didn’t order anything from there. I had no idea what it was or who it would have came from. So I went into the conference room where my computer was to see if I had gotten any emails to give me a clue. None. So I sit & look at the envelope. Hmm…wonder what it is & who sent it to me. I knew it had to be cross stitch related, so that ended some of the mystery. So when I opened the envelope I saw the charts of Big Cats Pride from Kustom Krafts. *the picture* I am sitting here still with a huge smile on my face. Oh, you want to know who made my day? Why it was none other then Lori from Addled Librarian. This chart is one of my favorites ever since I first saw it. I don’t know if you got it from my wish list or just got it cause of my love for the big cats, but I can’t wait until I can dig my needle into it. Thanks again.

Thank you so much Lori! You honestly have no idea how much it means to me.

More Crochet

For those that don’t know, which is probably not a lot of you. I have a major addiction. I love purses. I have about 100 of them. Though I usually settle for the cheap Wal-Mart ones, I would love to have the expensive Coach ones or others, but they are way out of my budget. So I drool over the ones I can’t have & buy the ones that I can have. Though my father does limit my buying. *When you can’t work due to a disability & your parents are kind enough to pay the bills, it gives them the right to determine what you buy & don’t buy in my family* But what he can’t control is if I make my own purses. *insert evil laugh* My mother is nice enough to let me dig into her yarn boxes (she has like five 18-gallon plastic tubs). So I decided that I wanted a clutch to just hold my billfold, necessities, & a pen or two. It would have to fit inside my huge size tote purse that I carry now. I usually get giant purses, lol, that will hold everything including my current cross stitching project & book or EReader. Well, I was going to pay $10 to $20 for a clutch. So I did some digging online & found a crochet pattern that I can modify to my needs, lol. If I have gotten everything right, it should come out to look a little like this without all the fancy ruffles & studs stuff:
Columbus Clutch from Handbag Heaven But I am crocheting it out of Peaches & Creme Cotton in “Sour Green Apple” *Heck of a name*. Pictures are below. I am still working on the clutch body. I am crocheting it with two strands to give it sturdiness & in single crochets so I don’t have to line it. I want to stay away from the sewing machine if I can. I haven’t got the big machine set back up & so I only have access to my small crafting one & I just don’t think it is powerful enough to go through cotton yarn & lining material. I would say that I am about half way through the project.

Yarn: Peaches & Cream 4ply Worsted Weight 100% Cotton Yarn
Color: #213 Sour Green Apple

The only problem is that I am getting tired of crocheting & I want my stitching back. Here is to hoping I get my clutch finished first.

Edit: My Wrist Warmers

I can’t believe I almost forgot to show you these. I am so proud of these. I actually got them completed last week & was going to post them, but the post for the QBee needed to go first. So here are the pictures showing my Lemon-n-Lime wrist warmers using Jessica’s No Hole Granny Square.

Yarn: Peaches & Cream 4ply Worsted Weight 100% Cotton Yarn
Color: #186 Lemon Lime

Oh, if you want to see any picture bigger, just click on it to see it full sized!

Christmas Tree Angels

I am sure you all know this. It is those Christmas trees that have the little angels or ornaments on them with children’s names & what they would like for Christmas. I grew up knowing & enjoying that it is more fun to give presents then to receive present. A situation that is still today. I honestly have more fun giving presents then I ever do receiving presents & I honestly will ask that people not to give me gifts cause I have no idea how to accept them. Anyway, I am getting off subject.

So we normally do three or four of these “angel” a year. But we were up for a shock when we were looking at the “angels” at Wal-Mart, Target, & K-Mart. These kids want Wii games, GameBoy DS games, Leapster games, other toys that costs over $20US. Excuse me? What happened to dolls, matchbox cars, coloring books, and other toys like that. I am sorry, but if their parents can afford a Wii then they don’t need help. I can’t afford a Wii or any type of gaming system no matter how much I would like to have one. Hell, if my laptop couldn’t have been fixed it would have been at least three months before I would have gotten a new one unless I could have gotten a line of credit somewhere for three months.

Do parents not know how to prioritize their money? It is honestly quite simple. Food, bills, savings, & then if there is anything left then you can buy the play items. I am sorry but children do not Wii’s, GameBoys, or other things like that to grow up. They can use their imagination, which I have found to be not in use & that is very sad. When a seven year old is asking for designer label clothing I find it hard to give. I don’t even get designer label clothing. I have generic label clothing. Geesh, the jeans I am wearing today I have owned for over five years. My family has learned to wear clothing until it can’t be repaired. Seam rips, lost buttons are all re-sewn & fixed. I have yet come across something that I have been unable to fix. But it seems like people don’t do that anymore. They just toss the clothing instead of repairing them.

My Church give out Christmas Baskets every year to families in need. These baskets contain food, hygiene items, usually an outfit or two & a toy or two for the children if there are any. These baskets when you total all the items up have over $150US in them. But the Church members don’t think about that. They think about the simple fact that they are helping someone in need. But then when the families come to pick up the baskets, they can be quite rude & demanding. I was there last year helping hand out the baskets. I don’t expect the families to be grateful or anything, but don’t act like you deserve it. There is nothing that says we have to give you anything.

This evening Mom & I went to Wal-Mart. They had an “Angel Tree” by the entrance. I have a giving heart & even though I do not like being told what to buy for the children. But we struck gold. There was an “Angel” asking for a toy. That was it. She was four years old & wanted a toy. Wanna know what she got. A hat, two pairs of gloves, a doll, clothes for the doll *that laughs when you rock her or tickle her*, a doll carrier, baby bottle for the doll, a puzzle, coloring books, crayons, reading books, & other little toys that four year olds like to play with. Want to know what they would have gotten if it told me what to get. Just what the card said. I am more generous if I am not told. Most people are. I will actually give away my presents to buy presents for a child that isn’t going to get any. But that is me. I love to give presents, but I hare receiving them.

Now I am not saying that all people are like this, but I am finding more more young people & children expect everything to be handed to them. That is not how life works. You have to work for what you want. Nothing is handed to you.


I need a break from cross stitch & since I actually have my Christmas work completed I am going to do Jessica a favor & pattern test her No Holes Granny Square & make me some arm warmers. Though I am using Peaches & Creme 100% Cotton in the color of Lemon Lime instead of Acrylic yarn. I am also using a J hook instead of a H hook. I will be making the square big enough to wrap around my wrist & lower arm. I am using a J hook, cause no matter how hard I try, my stitches are always very tight. So if I used a H hook then I would be doing this for a very long time. In order for me not to loss

When I pulled my crocheting bag back out of my plastic box I found out that I didn’t complete my last project. Not really surprising, but I am going to try to finish it this time. I am making a tote bag. I have no idea what I am going to do with it once I am finished with it, but I am making it, lol. This pattern is Jessica’s No Hole Granny Square & it is very easy to follow & simple to complete. Though like with all Granny Squares it is very mind numbing.

Again I am using Sugar & Cream Stripes 100% cotton in Natural Stripes. Since I don’t want a lot of holes in this bag I am actually using a G hook for this bag. The bag pattern is from Cap’s Crochet & I have found that her patterns are quite nice & easy to understand.

For those that want to know my mother has lost three pounds as of Thursday, December 02, 2010. The Doc is giving her until Monday to lose more with the water pill. So she is still on limited movement & being coddled. Which she absolutely hates. *hopes & prays everything will continue to go ok*

What has happened.

Well for the last six months, my mother has been off balance, bloated, out of breath, & a few other things. Well, the last week & a half things have gotten worse in the breathing area. So once Father & I got the stubborn woman to agree to go to the doctor we set the appointment up for Tuesday. Then I go the shock of my life.

Back Story Time

As I was growing up my world revolved around my paternal Grandmother. She was my absolute best friend. I spent all my time with her that I could. On March 25, 1991 at 4:22pm she passed away. I can still remember what I was doing, where I was at that exact moment. My entire world collapsed & to this day I still don’t think I have picked up all the pieces.There was nothing that I didn’t tell my Grandmother. The reason I am telling you this is to try & tell you how much this woman meant to me. After she died, I was completely lost. My mother was the person that found me & made me realize that I could still live. We became best friends more then mother & daughter. She is the life rope I cling to when things aren’t right. Without my mother I honestly have no clue what to do with myself for very long. I do not go a day without talking or seeing her.The longest I have ever been away from her is a week & I was going crazy by the end of it. You may think that I am scared to leave my “mommy” but that isn’t it. I don’t have to have her to fix my problems or take care of me. I can do that just fine. She is just my support pole. The one person I know that won’t abandon me when I need them. I can talk to my mother about anything under the sun. It doesn’t matter the subject nothing is taboo. I adore my mother though at times she is so frustrating that I want to scream. :luv:

Back to the Current

So Mom & I were in the Doc office. Both of us honestly thought that she was getting bronchitis again. So Doc listened & they measured the oxygen in her blood & it showed to be 87%. The normal is 97%. That honesty scared the hell out of me & the Doc informed us that she could be put on oxygen. Then he gave us the worst news. My mother is retaining fluid & it is on her heart & lungs. That is why she can’t breath at times. He is even thinking that when she was having so much problems last Saturday that she honestly has a mild heart attack. A FUCKING HEART ATTACK!!!!! What the hell is life trying pull now. Hasn’t it taken enough way from me & my family? Besides throwing everything at us at one time don’t you think you could give us a break just for nine months, Life? Just this one damn time? :furios:

So now we watch Mom. She is on an trial period to get rid of the retained fluid. She has gained 45 pounds in six months & what is really bad is that we haven’t changed our eating habits or exercise. So the Doc listened to everything & then told us that Mom has fluid on her heart & lungs. He says that 20-40 of those pounds could be retained fluid.

Just got back from her weigh in today. She has lost three pounds. The Doc isn’t too happy, but is giving us until Monday to make a significant difference. But we have to watch her. If she has chest pains, tightness, shortness of breath, or any other things that get worst we are under orders to get her to the hospital.

I am scared to death that I am going to lose my mother & if I do then I don’t know if I am strong enough to survive this time.