Monthly Archives:September 2010

Do I or Don't I?

That is the question. So we went to the doctor last week. Gave him the following symptoms:

  1. Pain in the neck, shoulder, hip, knees, elbows, wrists, hands, fingers, torso, & basically all over.
  2. A general weak feeling on most days.
  3. Problems getting to sleep & staying asleep.
  4. Difficulty concentrating and retaining new information.
  5. The feeling as though my arms and legs are weighted down by concrete blocks and my body is so drained of energy that every task is an effort.
  6. If I exercise then I just feel worse & in more pain.
  7. Repeat headaches even though I take Topamax to prevent these.
  8. shortness of breath – could just be I am out of shape
  9. numbness
  10. dizziness
  11. feeling faint
  12. nasal congestion
  13. painful periods – hell I never stop having mine
  14. muscle weakness
  15. tingling sensations
  16. chemical sensitivities
  17. premenstrual syndrome – according to my father, I always have this problem *bite me*
  18. balance issues

After reading these again, I just don’t understand his thinking. He ups my Paxil (for my anxiety) & gives me another anti-depressant that is supposed to help me sleep. He also informed me that since I was depressed *umm…hello? How about you walk around in pain all day long every day & never feel better? Then lets talk depressed* that was why I was hurting so much. Excuse moi? Since when was he in my body? If he was then we are going to have some serious discussion. But even with all those symptoms he won’t diagnose me with fibromyalgia nor does he want to order the tests to rule out any other problems. I honestly want to scream & throttle him. But that wasn’t how I was raised.

So he sent me off with the instructions of get more sleep & exercise more. Ok. So this is what my days look like now.

  • 06:15am – wake up (been sleeping at parent’s house because I hurt too much to go home)
  • 06:30am – finally manage to drag my painful self out of bed
  • 06:45am – I have managed to get dressed & am sitting in the kitchen to take my morning medications (anti-anxiety, anti-seizure, & multi-vitamin)
  • 07:00am – In Dakota (mom’s suv) on the way to breakfast at Crane Cafe (little hole in the wall but wonderful food)
  • 07:15am – Sitting at the Cafe & ordered two eggs scrambled & biscuits & gravy *yeah, I know how healthy*
  • 08:00am – Finished breakfast & on the way to Mom’s work.
  • 08:20am – At mom’s work, laptop set up & connected to everything. Now I can begin.
  • 08:30am to 01:30pm – coding designs, cross stitching, reading, walking, etc.
  • 01:30pm – closing everything down & putting it up. Getting back in the car. By this time my pain level has normally doubled from what I woke up with.
  • 01:30pm to 06:00pm – Normally, Mom & I go to the public library & we surf the internet. Along with me walking & doing my normal walking exercises.
  • 06:00pm – Closing down to go to supper.
  • 06:30pm to 07:30pm – Supper of Ruby Tuesday *normally* of which I usually have grilled white fish & steamed broccoli. *not everything I eat is bad for me*
  • 07:30pm to 08:45pm – heading back home in Dakota. By now my pain level is just shy of making me pass out. But I normally can keep it under control enough that my parents don’t know.
  • 08:45pm – Home at last. *You don’t even want to know where my pain level is now* Now I change clothes to my nightgown & go back to the kitchen to take my nighttime medications (anti-seizure & sleep aid).
  • 09:00pm – I head over to my house if I am not in too much pain or if I am not twitching. If I am in too much pain or twitching then my father sleeps on the floor & I sleep in his bed.
  • 09:00pm to approx. 02:00am – *if I have gone to my house* reading in bed & playing with my babies.
  • 09:00pm to approx. 10:00pm – reading in Dad’s bed.
  • from either 02:00am or 10:00pm depending on which house I am at to 06:15am – sleeping *I hope*.
  • 06:15am – Start all over again

This is my normal day. The only days that are different is Friday through Sunday. On Fridays I get to sleep in & stay home all day. So I sleep in until noon & then spend the day watching DVDs & walking around the house for my exercise. On Saturday the family usually goes to the library & I get my exercise there. On Sunday is the catch up day. We may stay home or we may go out. But I sleep in if possible.

Now I ask, where in there am I supposed to add a exercise routine? I already exercise, but Doc wants me to do more. Hell, what I do now just about kills me. But I want to go back to him in October & tell him that I did everything he told me & it still didn’t help. Next step or else. :furios: :furios: I will get a diagnoses of something. :worried:

Cause I love to make you think…..

Here is another set of song lyrics. Yep, it is country, but the song is completely true. You want a relationship to work, this song is on the right track. I was raised to believe that women were not better or worse then a man, but they should be cherished & respected. As should the man. Any partner should be cherished & respected in a relationship. I love this song cause to me it says most of everything.

Lee Brice – Love Like Crazy

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen’s too young to know what love’s about
they’ve been together fifty-eight years now
that’s crazy

he brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
bought a little two bedroom house on maple street
where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
now thats crazy

just ask him how he did it
he’ll say pull up a seat
it’ll only take a minute
to tell you everything

be a best friend
tell the truth
and over use i love you
and go to work
do your best
don’t out smart your common sense
never let your praying knees get lazy
and love like crazy

they called him crazy when he quit his job
they said them home computers,
boy that’ll never take off
well he sold his one man shop to Microsoft
and they paid like crazy

just ask him how he made it
he’ll tell you faith and sweat
and a heart of a faithful woman
who never let him forget

be a best friend
tell the truth
and over use i love you
and go to work
do your best
don’t out smart your common sense
never let your praying knees get lazy
and love like crazy

always treat your woman like a lady
never get to old to call her baby
never let your praying knees get lazy
and love like crazy

they called him crazy when they started out
they’ve been together 58 years now
ain’t that crazy

Went to the Doctor

Yesterday I went to the doctor & though he refuses to make the diagnoses he did agree that I probably did have Fibromyalgia but he refused to make the diagnose. But he did give me more anti-anxiety (I was starting to have more panic attacks. He also gave me a sleep aid to help me stay asleep. The bonus is that my Paxil is also an anti-depressant so that should help with my depression *crosses fingers & hopes*. He wants to see me in a month to see if I am feeling better. He told me that I needed to exercise, so Mom & I are looking into joining the YMCA for the indoor pools & Tai-Chi classes.

I actually found a swimsuit that I like. I absolutely hate swimsuits. They are either unflattering *all of them*, ugly, or they make me look like a beached whale. Just because I am a gorgeously sexy *Jock’s input* plus size woman doesn’t mean I want a ugly swimsuit. The only problem with the one that I found is that the lines go horizontally instead of vertically. I got the purple one *as shown* & mom got a blue one for her. So now we are looking at joining the local YMCA so we can use their indoor pools & then once we lose a little weight & get into shape we may take some Tai-Chi classes.

I do love the ombre coloration of this one though. Plus it is purple which is never a bad choice for me, lol. The only other color that would have been better would have been solid black & for $5 more I got to have pretty one, lol. For me to wear a swim suit it has to have a skirt or be a tank that is very long & have a modest neckline, like this one. I love my curves, but that doesn’t mean I choose to flaunt them everywhere I go. Nothing pisses me off more then to have someone talk to my chest. Excuse me, they do not talk. All they do is get in my way, cause me pain, & annoy me.